(no subject)

[conuly]

Dear Carolyn: What do you do if you don’t like your daughter-in-law? Mine is a self-absorbed slob. As an example, she once made a comment laughingly that she never dusts. Which is true. She never cleans. They live about a four-hour drive from me and I love my grandchildren, so I try to visit for the weekend maybe once every four or five weeks. They live in an apartment and they have bugs. Yuck.

And when I do visit, she never cooks, never even suggests what she might make for dinner. I spend a fortune on takeout or else take up all the food for us and do the cooking myself. I might even have a kinder attitude but she never even thanks me for anything.

One of the few positive things I can say is that my granddaughters and daughter love her. I love her for that reason, but I just don’t like her and I feel like not visiting but that would hurt the rest of the family. Can you say anything to get me through this for the rest of my life?

— Anonymous

Anonymous: She gets 12 words of warmth for her heart, and 170-ish words of savagery for her housekeeping. (They’re her bugs and dust, then, not your daughter’s?)

Until you’re willing to hear it, there’s nothing I can say.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/advice/2022/01/30/carolyn-hax-in-laws-wont-stop-hugging/

(no subject)

[conuly]

DEAR ABBY: My 38-year-old son is in jail for meth. He's been an addict for many years. I tried several times to help him, but he always relapsed. He has been in rehab. His mother and I divorced when he was 7. He was a great kid until the divorce. After that, he became distant and wouldn't talk much to me.

His mother tried to make up for the divorce by doing everything for him. When I wanted him to do something, like his homework, he would just sit and stare. I couldn't punish him because I was afraid he wouldn't want to come to my place when it was my weekend to have him. I did things with him and tried to show him I loved him, but I think he blamed me for the divorce. (It was my wife who wanted it.)

I don't think he ever loved me like a son normally loves his father, the way I loved and respected mine. He rejected any advice I tried to offer and paid no attention when I tried to teach him something.

I'm trying to decide if I want to contact him. I feel like I have always had to do the heavy lifting to try to have a relationship with him, and he made no effort at all to sustain one with me. If I never heard from him again, I really wouldn't miss him. All he has ever been is a taker. So I'm asking: Should I bother trying to get in contact with him while he is in jail? -- FRUSTRATED FATHER IN TEXAS

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