Sense and Sensitivty: Meat-Eating Fiance Unhappy With Vegan Dinners

[cereta]

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been a vegan since high school with no intention of stopping. My fiance, however, is an avid meat, dairy and egg eater. I don't care about what he chooses to put into his body, but we have been fighting about food preparation recently. “Alan” hates the plant-based lifestyle, and gripes that I won't just cook him a steak. I tell him he has the complete green light to go to the store, buy himself a steak and cook it. Since Alan doesn't want to do the food shopping or cooking, I tell him to suck it up or start being proactive. Is this too harsh? We've been fighting about this for over a year. -- Sticking to My Plants, Greenwich, Connecticut

DEAR STICKING TO MY PLANTS: If you and Alan are to be married, you two need to work this out. Would you be willing to cook all of the meals if he were to become vegan? If so, that means you are putting your foot down simply because he chooses to eat differently than you. That may not be the best way to start your marriage.

If your intention is to be the primary cook, you may want to learn how to cook a few meat dishes. By giving in a little, you can create space for the two of you to grow together. You may be able to introduce some of your favorite foods to him and get him to eat less meat over time, too!

Comments

[the_rck]

Um. No. The vegan letter writer is drawing a completely reasonable line. If "Alan" isn't going to shop or cook, he can damned well eat what his partner is comfortable cooking. The LW isn't preparing food that makes him sick. That would be a different issue.

And he could do what one guy I know who's married to a vegetarian does and go out for a burger or something occasionally.

Of course, I'm not very sympathetic to people who aren't doing their part of these chores. (I know-- There might be reasons why the division of labor is reasonable, but...)

That said, this may be an irreconcilable difference. The LW doesn't mention if there are ethical reasons or health reasons behind their veganism. If it's ethical, then I see asking the LW to buy or cook meat, eggs, and/or dairy as a much more serious problem because it's not just a 'do something nice for me.' It's an open demand to give up a principle in order to maintain the relationship.

I just somehow don't think this is entirely about "Alan" wanting a steak.