Dear Abby: For Mom Rewriting Her Will, Time With Her Kids Is Money

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: I divorced my narcissistic husband after our children were raised. Over the years, I have tried to have a relationship with all of my children and their families.

When I asked one of them for a three-day weekend with her children, she texted me saying they all had a lot going on. Then she added, "Maybe next year." I may not be here next year!

I know she may never read this, but it doesn't matter to me if it will help someone who does read it. I have decided to change my will. If I'm not worth my children's time, they don't deserve my money. Your thoughts? -- WORTHLESS UP NORTH

DEAR WORTHLESS: Could it be possible that your daughter and her family are actually busy? Not knowing how you raised your children, it's hard to render an opinion, but from your reaction, you appear to have a troubled relationship with this daughter. Rather than disinherit her, try to find out what motivated her to text what she did so fences can be mended. If that's not possible, then you have every right to reallocate your assets as you wish.

Comments

[likeaduck]

Cool, change your will. You get to do what you want with your money. But holding it over your kid's head as a bribe/threat/punishment is not going to contribute to a closer relationship with her & her kids. If you react like this every time someone can't take multiple days out of their life (and other people's) to devote to you I wouldn't want to spend a three day weekend with you either. And on that note, "idk the kids have a lot going on right now, maybe next year?" could be honest truth, but it could also be code for "I/they don't want o spend that much time with you" so I'd invite the LW to consider what they've actually tried in terms of having a closer relationship, and how well that's working. Do they actually have a close relationship now? My feeling is probably not, and that sucks and is hard to accept, but IMO a three-day-weekend with someone is a pretty advanced step in that process, so are there smaller steps that could happen that might help eventually turn the halfhearted-seeming "maybe next year" into actual excitement about spending time together?