(no subject)

[ysobel]

From the Carolyn Hax chat:

Should I comment on altered appearance?

A technician who has serviced out HVAC system for 15 years came today. He was wearing hoop earrings, mascara, eyeliner, eye shadow and lipstick. My first thought was "that's a little dramatic for daytime wear." I know that he is married and has adult children. I didn't comment on his transformation. He'll be back in six months -- should I say something then?


Carolyn Hax

"That's a great color on you." (Translation: You're safe here.) Otherwise, no.

[isa comment: I love CH's reply, no notes! but am eyebrowing hard at the LW, especially for "dramatic" and the relevance of marriage/kids]

Comments

[pauraque]

I'm not sure I understand the question. Does LW think the person might be unaware of their own appearance? Like maybe they tripped and fell into a puddle of makeup and jewelry and need to be discreetly informed that it stuck to them? (Perhaps the same for the wife and kids?)

[ioplokon]

I do actually get that there might be an etiquette issue here - like, this person totally changed their look, is it rude to ignore or rude to mention?

but LW is coming from such a judgey place, I think it's clear they shouldn't say anything!

[kiezh]

I think what LW is really asking - the reason they wrote to an advice columnist about a brief encounter with someone they only see every 6 months and have no personal relationship with - is this:

"I wanted to be mean to this guy I saw doing his job and not harming me in any way, but I thought any words I said might incriminate me. Can you give me a script that expresses my disapproving sneer verbally, but still gives me plausible deniability about being a bigot? So that I can be mean to people but if anyone complains, I can pretend that they're oversensitive and crazy and reading things into what I said."

Which Carolyn appropriately shut down hard.

[ysobel]

I suspect they disapprove of Man Wearing Makeup, but also the wife/kids mention makes me suspect they think makeup means he's gay and/or trans and therefore ... something idk.

They definitely come across as "how do I criticize without looking rude?".