Harriette gives bad advice again

[conuly]

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my regulars at work is a little creepy, but he tips me well. He comes in every Wednesday and requests me as his server every single time. He refuses to have any other server in the restaurant. He has told the other waitstaff that the reason that he always requests me is because he has a crush on me. This man is an older gentleman, and he is usually respectful enough, but he won’t stop asking me personal questions and making flirty remarks while I am simply trying to do my job. The only reason I keep accepting him as a regular is because he tips well, and I need the money. Should I continue to serve this man? -- Need the Cash

DEAR NEED THE CASH: You work in the service industry, which requires you to be friendly and cordial to guests. As long as this man does not cross the line to make you feel unsafe or violated in some way, you should be able to safely serve him.

You do not need to answer all of his questions. One way to avoid the barrage of questions is to turn it back to him. When he starts with the questions, flip it back to him. Ask him to tell you about his life. Was he ever married? Does he have children? What type of work did or does he do? Where is he from? Get him to talk about himself. You will learn more about who he is, which may give you some peace of mind. But more, it will create a safer space for the two of you to be in. The focus will be less on you.

As far as the flirty comments go, let them roll off your back -- as long as they aren’t inappropriate. There is an art to doing your job, keeping the customers happy and maintaining your integrity. You can do it.

https://www.uexpress.com/life/sense-and-sensitivity/2022/04/01

Comments

[conuly]

I don't even want to know what goes on in that woman's mind. What the hell.

[cimorene]

Holy shit, this is almost funny if it weren't dangerous.

[harpers_child]

Harriette has never worked any sort of service industry or retail job ever and it shows.

LW, if your manager is decent let them know this guy is being inappropriate. That way if it escalates to stalking you have documentation for a restraining order. (I've had friends where this has been needed.)

Don't talk to the guy any more than you have to to do your job. He wants to sit at your table and tip to ask questions you aren't going to answer, that's on him. Do not ask this guy about himself. That leads to this guy thinking the relationship is more than what it is.

[lethe1]

Do not ask this guy about himself. That leads to this guy thinking the relationship is more than what it is.

This. How could she even advise such a thing.

[cereta]

I'm not kidding when I say she's going to get someone killed some day.

[gingicat]

Once again we see that customers feel entitled to abuse people in the service industry.

[feldman]

Targeting a strapped service worker and bribing her for the girlfriend experience IS ALREADY inappropriate, and will continue to escalate until checked.

Counseling the victim to develop her 60s flight attendant skills for the midweek dinner rush is astonishingly bad advice even if she WANTED to be on the menu.

[cereta]

Jesus Frakking Christ, that's horrible. Sure, make the creepy guy think you're interested in him! I see no way in which this could wrong.

Someone buy this server a copy of The Gift of Fear and kick their manager in the rear to get them to act.