In general, I agree. However, having been in a relationship where some topics just aren't worth that hassle, I understand the tendency to focus on the other part, although in the end, the only real answer is "either learn to live with it or don't host, or if you do host, get a family meal from Bob Evans (which, actually, don't suck)." The wording by LW is a little more...ominous, but it could just mean, "It will lead to eyerolling and huffing if I push it, and I don't want to deal with that any more than partner wants to deal with their daughter."
I should note: when I say "not worth the hassle," I'm not accepting shitty behavior. I'm accepting that my partner is a human being who has just as many issues, hang-ups, and do-not-engage zones as I apparently do to be so upset about leftovers that I write to an advice columnist about it (which, I should add, I still sometimes get annoyed about petty shit that happened in grade school enough to bring it up in therapy, so no stones). Maybe the partner has a tricky relationship with their daughter. Maybe they just suck at conflict. Maybe they're like my mom, whose response would be to tell me not to let it "get to" me, and who 52 years of me protesting that response has not changed, which is something I have to try to accept if I want her in my life.
I'm just saying: that might not be a problem that can be fixed easily or at all, and that might be one of the countless compromises involved in a long-term relationship with another person.
no subject
I should note: when I say "not worth the hassle," I'm not accepting shitty behavior. I'm accepting that my partner is a human being who has just as many issues, hang-ups, and do-not-engage zones as I apparently do to be so upset about leftovers that I write to an advice columnist about it (which, I should add, I still sometimes get annoyed about petty shit that happened in grade school enough to bring it up in therapy, so no stones). Maybe the partner has a tricky relationship with their daughter. Maybe they just suck at conflict. Maybe they're like my mom, whose response would be to tell me not to let it "get to" me, and who 52 years of me protesting that response has not changed, which is something I have to try to accept if I want her in my life.
I'm just saying: that might not be a problem that can be fixed easily or at all, and that might be one of the countless compromises involved in a long-term relationship with another person.