Help! I Can’t Believe My Son’s Friend Fed Him Indian Food Without Calling Me First.

[watersword]

Q. Inappropriate food: My son, “Chris,” is 9. A few weeks ago, we decided to open our bubble to include the family of “Neil,” Chris’s best friend. Both of Neil’s parents are doctors, so this seemed like a safe decision. Both parents were born and raised in India. We let Chris have dinner at their place the other night since both boys were having a great time together. When we came to pick up Chris, Neil’s mom recounted to me how much chicken curry and lentils and vegetables Chris ate. I couldn’t believe that they served my son spicy curries without even calling to ask us if that would be OK! I was taken aback and gently mentioned that spicy foods can be hard on small tummies, but it didn’t seem to register. Thankfully Chris didn’t get sick. My wife says to drop it because any conversation will look racial in nature and to only let the boys play at our place. Please help.

A: At the risk of taking the bait, you must realize that millions of people (presumably both of Neil’s parents, not to mention Neil himself) regularly eat lentils and vegetables as children in perfect safety. There’s something so grotesque about the infantilizing language of “gently informing someone”—especially when that someone is “two doctors”—about “small tummies,” coupled with the racist horror that your 9-year-old ate and enjoyed a few servings of chicken curry, one of the world’s most popular and adaptable dishes. Not all curries are spicy, and not all spices pack heat; your son ate a meal he enjoyed (one you didn’t have to prepare or clean up after ) and continued to enjoy good health for the rest of the evening. Neil’s parents didn’t take him to a ghost pepper festival and turn him loose. Your kid was not endangered by chicken curry, and your problem is not one that Neil’s parents can fix for you. Take your wife’s advice and let this go.

Comments

[watersword]

"your problem is not one that Neil’s parents can fix for you"

Truer words, man. TRUER WORDS.

[cynthia1960]

+1000

[heavenscalyx]

I want to shake the crap out of LW. What a goddamn asshat. The line, "your problem is not one that Neil's parents can fix for you," is very nice.

[lilysea]

I read this question expecting to find

...and he's deathly allergic to [ingredient]

...and he has irritable bowel syndrome

...and he's 2 years old

...and we keep strictly kosher/halal

Finding that NONE of the above are true, I was like "WTF, LW?"

Exposure to a wide variety of foods is healthy for children as long as they don't have food allergies/food intolerances/sensory issues that get in the way.

LW, you are being racist. And unreasonable.

Also: during COVID, I'd be far more worried that the son's friends are Drs [and therefore possibly seeing patients with COVID] than about the curries.

Also, in a time of not-COVID, I wouldn't worry about the curries unless your son had allergies/IBS/was less than 3 years old...

[ex_flameandsong751]

I read this question expecting to find

...and he's deathly allergic to [ingredient]

...and he has irritable bowel syndrome

...and he's 2 years old

...and we keep strictly kosher/halal

Same. And since none of those are true, I'm pretty sure the problem is racism.

[watersword]

Sincere question, as a non-parent: why would a child younger than 3 being fed curry/lentils/vegetables be a reasonable (i.e., non-racist) concern? What do toddlers in subcontinental India eat if not that?

[lilysea]

Q. Re: Inappropriate food: You should drop it. For starters, not all curries, Indian or otherwise, are necessarily “spicy.” Some can be rather mild. But that’s not really the point. Absent specific religious or medically necessary food guidelines you gave to this family ahead of time (and it doesn’t sound like there are any, or that you did), they had no obligation to make sure they served your child food you approved of. You’re being a dick. Stop it.

A: I agree that it’s not really the point, and part of me doesn’t even want to engage with the “spicy-heat” question because it’s so clearly a smoke screen for suspicion and resentment of Indian food in general. Your kid enjoyed some new food and expanded his culinary horizons. That’s a good thing, not reason to fall into a spiral.

Danny M. Lavery: Thanks, everyone! If you haven’t had lunch yet, I recommend a curry. See you next week.

[watersword]

Thanks Daniel, now I am craving curry.

[ex_flameandsong751]

Yup, let's call a spade a spade: LW sounds a bit racist here.

(Also, curry is delicious, fight me.)

[lilysea]

(Also, curry is delicious, fight me.)

I miss delicious Indian food. I miss the vegetarian Indian buffet I used to go to.

It turns out I'm allergic to cinnamon, which is all but ubiquitous in Indian food and curry powders... :(

I also miss Nepalese food, and Thai food, which are also full of cinnamon...

[lilysea]

If LW won't let their kid visit friends whose families eat spicy food...

...that's going to rule out many friends from a Latinix background

...many friends from a Chinese background

...many foods from a Singaporean background

...many friends from a Thai background

...many friends from a Malaysian background

...many friends from Africa

[ekaterinn]

And friends from Louisiana and the Deep South with traditions of spicy food!

[dine]

*boggles* LW is obviously more than a tad racist - I'm just amazed that he's so blatant about it, and that he apparently doesn't mind showing everyone

expanding kids' exposure to different foods/cuisines is both smart and helpful! who needs yet another child who will only eat hot dogs and mac & cheese?

[ex_flameandsong751]

"My kid's friend's parents fed him vegetables/lentils! Oh noes, healthy food!" I can't even with LW. There is no reason for anyone to be like that but racism.

[heavenscalyx]

He's blatant about it because all the racists are being enabled by the racist/misogynist/etc in chief right now.

[minoanmiss]

I feel really sorry for LW's son, his friend, and his friend's parents. Dealing with racist xenophobic relatives of someone one likes is not fun.

I feel sorry for LW's wife too and want to show this letter to the girl with the misogynist boyfriend whose story I posted yesterday. Get pregnant and in ten years this might be your marriage, kiddo.

[xenacryst]

Eff you and your xenophobic racist cuminphobic pale ass white horse you rode in on.

[julian]

I really want the answer to this letter to have led with, "This confused me so much I had to re-read it to make sure your assumptions were what I thought they were," because this guy is coming from such a weird perspective that he should *know* people think it's out of the ordinary.

(As well as racist and xenophobic and ridiculous.)

[lilysea]

My partner's step-son once dated a woman, J, who would not eat any food she considered "foreign" [this despite being Australian - where Indian food; Chinese food; Thai food; Vietnamese food; Malaysian food; Singaporean food are all extremely common from the humblest shopping-centre-food-court to the fanciest restaurant]

J was so bad that my partner joked that if anyone told her potato chips were called French fries, she would starve to death

I always wondered how J got that bad. Now we know...

The step-son's family were delighted, and immensely relieved, when the step-son broke up with J...

[lemonsharks]

There's, "Hey, sorry I didn't mention my kid has coriander allergy; we've been working on helping him take responsibility for his own dietary needs, and he was supposed to tell you himself. Can you leave the coriander/cilantro leaf out when he stays for dinner next time? He had some tummy trouble when he came home."

And then there's, "My son's DELICATE CAUCASIAN STOMACH* cannot POSSIBLY survive a CHICKEN KORMA. He ate a VEGETABLE and some LENTILS. He might DIE."


*which can somehow survives hot cheetos and extra spicy barbecue sauce with no trouble

I suspect Dad is in the second group. And to him I say, stfu, mayonnaise is not a spice.

[lemonsharks]

Also can I throw in there, that if I had a kid who doesn't usually eat vegetables (as implied by the LW), my instant reaction would be WHAT DID YOU FEED HIM? WILL YOU SHOW ME HOW TO MAKE IT? SHOW ME HOW I, TOO, CAN COOK VEGGIES HE WILL EAT? OH MY ACTUAL GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU OPENED A FOOD DOOR WE DIDN'T KNOW EXISTED..

[rmc28]

Absolutely this reaction!

[mommy]

A nine year old boy ate chicken, lentils, and vegetables while staying at a friend's home. This sounds like a nice, nutritious meal to me. The appropriate reaction to hearing about this is to ask for recipes, not to complain about nonexistent tummy aches.

[oursin]

Parent has apparently not picked up on what may be a subtext - 'recounted to me how much chicken curry and lentils and vegetables Chris ate' - that Chris made an absolute little pig of himself and that might be more appropriately addressed than what he ate. If there were any 'small tummy' problems they were more likely due to overload...

[legionseagle]

Or possibly, "Fell on food with actual flavour as on water in the desert." Though that interpretation is not incompatible with "made an absolute little pig of himself."

[ioplokon]

The only good thing to come out of this has been this twitter thread of the best Indian restaurants in Montreal

[raine]

That's freaking awesome. :-)

[conuly]

I'm sitting here hoping and wishing that this is a troll letter.

[raine]

It feels like it, yeah? But there's enough folks for whom it wouldn't be.