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Dear Pay Dirt,
My daughter “Isabella” is married to a successful young lawyer and is eight months pregnant with their first child. My first wife and I wanted more children, but it never happened. She lost her battle with cancer when Isabella was 16. I didn’t feel like dating again for almost five years. Over the next few years I saw several women, none very seriously. Then, at Isabella’s wedding in 2019, I connected with one of her bridesmaids, “Madison,” a lovely young woman I’d last seen as a gawky teenager. Isabella was shocked when she found out Madison and I were dating, but didn’t expect it to last long. But I just proposed to Madison, and she accepted. I took Isabella out to lunch to tell her. For a minute she almost had a meltdown, but got herself together and said she hopes we are happy together.
Later that night I got an email stating she’s worried about her inheritance if Madison and I have children. Specifically, she’s afraid my house—a beautiful and unique 1884 Victorian which Isabella grew up in from birth, and is deeply attached to—will go to Madison upon my death, and then to my children with Madison, instead of to her and her children. She feels this would be especially unfair because her mother and I were gifted the house by my in-laws.
So, while she says this is hard for her, she’s decided to disallow me any relationship with her unborn son and any future children of hers unless I either transfer the house to her and myself as joint tenants, so she will automatically inherit my share, or to an irrevocable trust with her and her children as beneficiaries. This would prevent me from making a will, then changing it once she’s seen it. She says it’s fine if I give Madison a life estate so she could continue to inhabit the property, along with Isabella’s family, unless she remarries.
Isabella doesn’t even know that Madison wants children. But she does, and I think I’m up for it. I’m in my early 50s, in excellent shape, and my parents and grandparents all lived to at least 80. But from the moment I learned Isabella was pregnant, I’ve also had my heart set on being a grandpa. Should I do as she suggests? Would joint tenancy or a trust be preferable? My biggest concern is that the value of the house (currently over $2 million) may exceed the whole rest of my estate, especially after raising and educating several more children. And Madison has come to love this house as well. In fact, she claims she fell in love with it the first time she came over, in middle school. What would be fair for everyone?
—Vied For Victorian
( Read more... )
My daughter “Isabella” is married to a successful young lawyer and is eight months pregnant with their first child. My first wife and I wanted more children, but it never happened. She lost her battle with cancer when Isabella was 16. I didn’t feel like dating again for almost five years. Over the next few years I saw several women, none very seriously. Then, at Isabella’s wedding in 2019, I connected with one of her bridesmaids, “Madison,” a lovely young woman I’d last seen as a gawky teenager. Isabella was shocked when she found out Madison and I were dating, but didn’t expect it to last long. But I just proposed to Madison, and she accepted. I took Isabella out to lunch to tell her. For a minute she almost had a meltdown, but got herself together and said she hopes we are happy together.
Later that night I got an email stating she’s worried about her inheritance if Madison and I have children. Specifically, she’s afraid my house—a beautiful and unique 1884 Victorian which Isabella grew up in from birth, and is deeply attached to—will go to Madison upon my death, and then to my children with Madison, instead of to her and her children. She feels this would be especially unfair because her mother and I were gifted the house by my in-laws.
So, while she says this is hard for her, she’s decided to disallow me any relationship with her unborn son and any future children of hers unless I either transfer the house to her and myself as joint tenants, so she will automatically inherit my share, or to an irrevocable trust with her and her children as beneficiaries. This would prevent me from making a will, then changing it once she’s seen it. She says it’s fine if I give Madison a life estate so she could continue to inhabit the property, along with Isabella’s family, unless she remarries.
Isabella doesn’t even know that Madison wants children. But she does, and I think I’m up for it. I’m in my early 50s, in excellent shape, and my parents and grandparents all lived to at least 80. But from the moment I learned Isabella was pregnant, I’ve also had my heart set on being a grandpa. Should I do as she suggests? Would joint tenancy or a trust be preferable? My biggest concern is that the value of the house (currently over $2 million) may exceed the whole rest of my estate, especially after raising and educating several more children. And Madison has come to love this house as well. In fact, she claims she fell in love with it the first time she came over, in middle school. What would be fair for everyone?
—Vied For Victorian
( Read more... )