Dear Annie: Husband has a Night in with Someone Else

[cereta]

Dear Annie: I was recently out of town for a long weekend with some girlfriends. When I returned home, I opened the refrigerator and commented to my husband of 30 years that based on the leftovers, he must have prepared a nice meal for himself. He responded that he had invited my best friend, who is single, over to have dinner and watch a football game. He had not mentioned this to me during our text correspondence over the weekend. They are also good friends. I would not have minded if they had gone to a public place for a meal or a game, but I feel that the intimacy of their having dinner in our home was inappropriate. My husband said it did not occur to him that anything was wrong with what he did. I know nothing intimate happened between them. My girlfriend and I have been best friends for 25 years. Am I being too sensitive? -- Surprised

Dear Surprised: Yes, you probably are being a little too sensitive about where your husband and best friend had dinner. But if your wish is that he have dinner at a restaurant and not your house, you should tell him. You were unable to tell him because the real issue is that you were gone for a girls weekend and only communicated with your husband via text. Marriage is about intimacy and communication. Had you or he picked up the phone, you probably would have been more reassured to hear his voice, and he most likely would have mentioned to you that your friend was coming over to the house. At that point, you could have said you really would prefer that they go to a restaurant. Relationships are all about verbal communication, and we invite trouble when we expect our partners to be mind readers.

Comments

Re: Oh Annie, so OLD

[jadelennox]

That's ridiculous that texting is not communicating. When we are in separate places, sometimes my partner and I don't communicate at all, except about issues where we need to (e.g. arrival times). Sometimes we have long text conversations. Sometimes we just send each other photographs of cats. That has nothing to do with our level of intimacy.

Relationships are all about verbal communication is ableist bullshit, as anyone Deaf or with a verbal communication disability would be able to tell Annie. We absolutely invite trouble when we expect our partners to be mind readers, and it is absolutely true that if the LW and the husband have a disconnect about appropriate behavior, they need to communicate. But verbal? That's garbage.