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Dear Annie: Husband has a Night in with Someone Else
Dear Annie: I was recently out of town for a long weekend with some girlfriends. When I returned home, I opened the refrigerator and commented to my husband of 30 years that based on the leftovers, he must have prepared a nice meal for himself. He responded that he had invited my best friend, who is single, over to have dinner and watch a football game. He had not mentioned this to me during our text correspondence over the weekend. They are also good friends. I would not have minded if they had gone to a public place for a meal or a game, but I feel that the intimacy of their having dinner in our home was inappropriate. My husband said it did not occur to him that anything was wrong with what he did. I know nothing intimate happened between them. My girlfriend and I have been best friends for 25 years. Am I being too sensitive? -- Surprised
Dear Surprised: Yes, you probably are being a little too sensitive about where your husband and best friend had dinner. But if your wish is that he have dinner at a restaurant and not your house, you should tell him. You were unable to tell him because the real issue is that you were gone for a girls weekend and only communicated with your husband via text. Marriage is about intimacy and communication. Had you or he picked up the phone, you probably would have been more reassured to hear his voice, and he most likely would have mentioned to you that your friend was coming over to the house. At that point, you could have said you really would prefer that they go to a restaurant. Relationships are all about verbal communication, and we invite trouble when we expect our partners to be mind readers.
Dear Surprised: Yes, you probably are being a little too sensitive about where your husband and best friend had dinner. But if your wish is that he have dinner at a restaurant and not your house, you should tell him. You were unable to tell him because the real issue is that you were gone for a girls weekend and only communicated with your husband via text. Marriage is about intimacy and communication. Had you or he picked up the phone, you probably would have been more reassured to hear his voice, and he most likely would have mentioned to you that your friend was coming over to the house. At that point, you could have said you really would prefer that they go to a restaurant. Relationships are all about verbal communication, and we invite trouble when we expect our partners to be mind readers.
Oh Annie, so OLD
And I disagree with the substance of Idiot Annie's advice. Two people close to the LW got together while she was out of town, at her house, and cooked and ate dinner together and allegedly watched a game, and neither of them texted her, say, a photo of the food? Or shared a joke? Or even mentioned that A had asked B over? No, there is indeed a problem, and it's with the husband, and going out to a restaurant is not the solution.
Re: Oh Annie, so OLD
Re: Oh Annie, so OLD
Relationships are all about verbal communication is ableist bullshit, as anyone Deaf or with a verbal communication disability would be able to tell Annie. We absolutely invite trouble when we expect our partners to be mind readers, and it is absolutely true that if the LW and the husband have a disconnect about appropriate behavior, they need to communicate. But verbal? That's garbage.
Re: Oh Annie, so OLD
It depends whether their text conversations over the weekend were "hey honey? where do you keep the plunger?" Or were more "OMG it was hilarious when Valerie and Mizuho tried to drink a yard of beer at the Bellagio!" If they were more the former, then I could see how it might have gone unnoticed. If they were the latter it's definitely weird.
but, I mean, the LW tells us that the husband and the BFF are good friends. She is single. I think it's reasonable, especially if the husband entirely doesn't think of the BFF sexually and so doesn't it occur to him that there might be an alternate interpretation, that the husband thought to himself "well, my wife is away for the weekend with her good friends, so I want to do something fun with my buddy, BFF. We love watching football together!"
I'm just thinking that if this happened in my relationship, and I were out of town and my partner decided to go over to one of my single BFF's house to watch football (one of my BFF's) or baseball (a different one), he wouldn't necessarily tell me until after the fact, and I would absolutely not think anything hinky of it. So it really does depend on the couple.
Re: Oh Annie, so OLD
Re: Oh Annie, so OLD
I know other people it's happened to as well. It really depends on the relationship. I think it's like