minoanmiss: Naked young fisherman with his catch (Minoan Fisherman)
minoanmiss ([personal profile] minoanmiss) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2017-05-09 07:21 pm

That Bad Advice: Protecting Son From Gay Neighbor

Here's the That Bad Advice take on this, but with a link to the original as well.

“Our neighbor, ‘Harvey,’ is a homosexual and frequently has various men stay at his house overnight — sometimes more than one at a time.

Here’s the problem: We have an 11-year-old son, and though Harvey is nice to him and a good neighbor to us, should we keep our son from any association with Harvey? My husband doesn’t seem to think there’s any problem, but one can never be too safe when it comes to protecting your children.”

—From “Sleepless in Seattle” via “Annie’s Mailbox,” Creators.com, 25 April 2017


Dear Sleepless in Seattle,

You cannot be too careful when the homosexuals are so close at hand. One never knows when a little errant gay is going to hop over the fence and lodge itself in the heart of your pure, heterosexual flowerbed. There is only one reason a gay man might have people staying overnight in his home, and it’s elaborate sex parties filled with promiscuous raunchery, a behavior unique to gay people and in which straight people have never engaged, and even if they did engage in such behavior, which they would never do, it is completely fine because straight people never do creepy things.

You say that Harvey is a kind man and a good neighbor who has given you no reason whatsoever to question his character or intentions with your son, but it’s probably an elaborate cover for his plot to do a whole load of gay stuff in the front yard the next time your son is taking out the trash, because gay. Banning your son from any interaction with Harvey will ensure that he remains blissfully unaware that gay people exist and will have the added bonus of in no way piquing your child’s curiosity as to why he is suddenly forbidden from making eye contact with that guy mowing his lawn. Teaching your son to shun and fear one particular gay dude is a thoughtful plan that is guaranteed to keep him safe from harm for the rest of his life.

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